3 month saturday

Daddy- It will be 3months since you passed on Saturday. I miss you so much. I still have days where I want to call you and tell you what funny silly crazy thing Autumn did. I miss you so much. I can't believe that you have been gone this long already. It seem like it was just yesterday you and I were talking on my couch. I miss you so much and I feel like there is the huge hole in my chest. I have days where just out of the blue I start crying. I have days where I feel numb about it. I know with time I will heal I just don't see how I am ever going to fully heal from this. I feel like I  am lost. Nate is trying his best but he doesn't know really what to say to me. I love you so much Daddy and miss you everyday.

2 and a half months!

Daddy- Things have been crazy as of late. I miss you so much. I feel lost without you being here. You weren't just my Dad but also my best friend. I can't believe it has been this long already. I have two voice mails saved from you and today I listened to them for the first time since you passed. I started crying but I just needed to here your voice again. I miss you so much. I love you Daddy.

It has almost been 2months

Daddy- I think about you everyday and something happens almost daily that I want to call and tell you about. I miss you so much. The hurt is still here and pain of losing you but things are starting to get better. I know one day I will see you again and that helps. Autumn asks about you a lot and that makes things hard sometime. She will say I miss Papa and I don't want to ask her to stop because I know it is her way of remembering you. The hardest thing right now is that Aubree is getting ready to walk and you aren't here to see it. I miss you and love you Daddy.

Something Good for Stevie, helping me heal.

Daddy-The blog we use to read together Dear Stevie. Well Stevie's mom has this do a good thing in Stevie's name going on right now. I kept going back and forth on should I do it. I decided it would be a good thing to do. As I am sitting here thinking about what to do good for Stevie I realized that by doing something for Stevie. Stevie is actually doing something for me. She is helping me heal. Heal from your death. It might sound funny but by spending time helping someone else or doing something good in some weird way I feel closer to you and the hurt isn't as bad. You were always helping people. So I want to thank Kristin and Stevie for helping me heal and I can't wait to start doing good things for Stevie. I love and miss you everyday Daddy.

Isis's birthday

Daddy- Tomorrow is Isis's 6th birthday, she has lost two teeth since you went to heaven. I am so sad about you missing her party.She asked me about you if you can come to her party then she said O I forgot Papa is with Jesus and can't come. Then she started to cry. I love and miss you Daddy.

1 MONTH

Daddy-it has been a month since you passed today. I thought by now things would be a little easier and they aren't. I feel so stupid sometimes . I am getting upset and mad when I see girls fighting with there Dads'. It is like all I want to do is go running over to them and tell them be grateful you have your Dad he could be gone tomorrow and love every moment you have with him. I have also been thinking about all the time as a teenager that I was either out late or forgot to call and worried you. Also all the times I was embarrassed to be seen with you because it was LAME to be seen with your Dad. I am now thinking of all that stuff and feeling horrible. Like man I could have had an extra hour with you here or with you there. I find myself being really upset with myself for not spending that time with you. I want to say sorry for doing that. I miss you so much and I am broken I feel I will forever be broken. I am sure today will be filled with a lot of crying. I am not even getting dressed today. I just feel like crap and I am sad and all I want is for you to still be here. I love and miss you Daddy.

3weeks and not any easier

Daddy- Everyone said things would get easier as time passed and as of right now i don't see that happening. I miss you more and more each day. I thought by now at least I would be able to be at terms with the fact you are gone. It has been 3weeks and every time I think yes he is gone and I am going to be okay something happens that makes me think that things are not going to be ok. I just miss you so much. I love you and miss you everyday Daddy.