Sleeping

Daddy, Today you came over like almost every other day. But today you are sleeping the chair not an everyday thing but is more common since you started the chemo. I feel better being able to watch you sleep and know you are ok and breathing. I know that the cancer is stable but I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop it seems like. I hate feeling this way I am usually such a half full kind of person. Since this all started it has been hard to look at the glass half full. I know that I shouldn't worry as much as I do but I think it is just in me to worry. I find peace almost watching you sleep and hearing you breath knowing that you are still breathing. I know that the doctor told us that we have to stay up and I would never tell you that I felt like the glass was half empty instead of full. I know I need to except that it is stable and things are BETTER. That I don't need to watch you sleep to know you are breathing. But for some reason I feel the NEED to. I am trying very hard to be happy and realize how great this is. It is great Stable is my new favorite word. I am still worried tho all the time. I know it is silly to say I NEED to be able to watch you sleep to know that you are breathing but for some strange reason . I feel that I need to. to know you are ok. I love you Daddy and are so proud of the fight you are putting up!

How Crazy life as become!

Daddy, How crazy has our lives become since this all started. I can't believe we have almost made it 6 months and the first doctor told us MAYBE you have 3 MONTHS LEFTS. Best choice I ever made was switching your doctors. I am so happy that your cancer is Stable. I am so happy I have gotten it work out so that you will be getting a new arm that you will be able to run. No more cable ran arm. It too a long time to get it push through but very soon you will have your new arm. Your life has been a crazy one Daddy, You have a metal plate in your head from a car accident from the late 70's you broke your nose being STUPID as you say. I say just being my Daddy but you say stupid. You lost your arm in 94 from your company cutting corners. Now cancer. You have had a crazy life. It continues to be crazy as you say. Now you have crazy grandkid stuff to deal with. You say you would never forget how crazy you thought life was when it was us growing up but now you say it even more crazy with grandkids. I love how much my girls love you and how when you call the ringer is a personal one just for you that Isis made. It says Papa I love you I love you, Your the Greatest Papa! It brings tears to my eyes. I know with the cancer being stable that we have time left but for awhile I thought would this be the last time I hear that ringer. Life is crazy Daddy but we make it through loving every crazy thing that comes our way and I know you are not done yet and we will have a lot of craziness to come!

The girls thankful chart their are so many on their about Papa and how they are thankful for you!

Happy Day!

Daddy today has been one of the happy days. Your cancer is stable and you are doing good. It was a happy day also because as silly as it sounds Emmy got a bath at the groomers. YAY! no more stinky stinky dog. You always say it is a happy day when it is grooming day. She was really smelly this time you said! You have to go over to the cancer center today but just to pick up your meds. They said that soon you will be able to cut back some of your meds. It has been crazy at your house with everything going on! But, you said today to me that it is a happy day! I love when you have Happy days. So daddy here is to the Happy days!

STABLE!

Daddy today we got the second to best news we could have gotten. YOUR CANCER IS STABLE!! Stable the doctor told we are just one step away from remission. The only news that could have been better is that you were in remission. But I feel now more then ever that we will hit the remission mark! I cried with joy when he told us. So did you. All this chemo sickness and hard fight is finally paying off. STABLE I never thought that the word STABLE could mean so much. Such a simple word yet it is my new favorite word. I Love you daddy and you are the strongest man I know. Finally we are STABLE and on our way to remission. One step away daddy remember that!

So Mad

Daddy i don't know how you can't be so mad. I am mad all time when it comes to you getting sick. I am mad you have to go through this,mad you won't get see Isis or any of you grandchildren to get married. That you won't get to go sky diving like you wanted to because you just feel too weak in your words. mad you won't get to be care free and go to Florida when you wan because you have to stay close to the hospital and you doctor. Mad that your whole life has been turned upside down. I don't understand how your not mad. But I guess it is better to not be mad!

Chemo sickness sucks

Daddy today you called me to tell me that you are really sick. I felt so bad that you were sick again. I hate this. You will have 2 or 3 good days then are sick for 2 or 3. They keep telling us that it will get better. Well it has been 6months almost and it still is not better. You are so strong Daddy and I am proud of you. You are the best daddy I could ever ask for. The strongest daddy too.

Isis you make me cry

Daddy, Isis today made you cry. She is 5 and is so wise. I love her so much. She is so sweet. But today made you cry. She walked up to you and said Papa why is your hair getting our of your head like that. You told her Isis, it is the Chemo. She goes o the yucky cancer med. Does it make you feel yucky papa. You said yes it does sweetie. She goes Papa are you going to DIE. This is when you started to cry. She said I am sorry Papa I didn't mean to make you cry. You said It is ok Isis. She said Papa I love you so much and I don't want you to Die and I know that cancer is bad and that it makes so people Die. You aren't going to die are you Papa. You somehow got out in-between your cries, Papa is fighting this cancer as hard as he can. Isis said Papa I will fight it with you!You replied "Isis you make me cry but Papa loves you so much"