Hate the doctors

Daddy i hate when we go to the doctors sometimes. You are so broken after they tell you no change. We went in today to have a catscan and to get the results of your blood work. We heard those dreaded words NO CHANGE, it is so hard to see you broke like this. You say you know the chemo is what is keeping you alive mainly because the doctor has told you that if you go off the chemo you will die within a few months. I just keep wondering how many times can a person hear their is NO CHANGE i'm sorry maybe next month. I know, I feel broken after we hear that and yet I tell you in the middle of your tears that it is ok, that we will beats this , that you will beat this. Sometimes I believe me when I hear this other times I don't. It is so hard to see you this way. I thought it was hard seeing you loose your arm and all of the heart ache that came with that when I was 8. Nothing compares to seeing you go through this. Sometime I think How is he so strong? How can I help him? Then I remember what you told me when I was 8. No matter what happens as long as I have my family I will be fine. As long as I am their for you, you will be fine. I love you daddy and I will ALWAYS  be your little princess!

Waiting is the hardest

Today Daddy I take you to get another cat scan to see how the tumor are doing. I am hoping and praying so hard that they have shrunk. The hardest thing is the waiting. We will now have to wait 2weeks to get the results on everything and see how you are doing. Just like when they take your blood and we have to wait for result. I have a good feeling this time that they are going to tell us it is more contained in your liver. That the cancer is no longer in all four chambers of your liver. I can't wait for the day that it is contained in 2 chambers so then they can cut it out of you as long as your other tumors are gone too.

Daddy, I hope that they find a cure and soon.You are my hero and I love you so much! I can't wait for the day you are cancer free. I had a hard time yesterday about everything. It is like I am waiting sometimes for the worst to come or for you to say your done. Your done fighting.

Daddy stay strong! Live strong! Together maybe the waiting won't be so hard this time!This picture speak so much Daddy you are so happy about your new granddaughter yet, so sad and sick from the chemo!

Who Daddy

Sometimes it is too much to deal with. Sometimes I want to just scream and cry. I love you so much Daddy and I will NEVER forget May 11, 2010 when we found out you were sick. I remember every moment of that day. I play it over and over in my head. I know that you are a fighter but sometimes I think how, how long can you fight. You have good days and bad days and I am always worried on the really bad days. I wonder is this it? Is this when he stops fighting? You have been my super hero ever since I was a little girl. You are superman. You aren't suppose to get sick. But here we are, you are sick and dying. We know you are dying and that if you cancer doesn't go into remission soon, the reality is you will more then likely not make it to your 1yr.I pray everyday that the next time we go to the doctor he says YES TIM WE DID IT. That day hasn't come yet and I know you are get tried of fighting. But please daddy, please don't stop fighting. I don't know what I would do without you. Who would I tell all my secrets to. Who would tell me everything is going to be ok my little princess. Who will tell me that it is ok to cry. Who will my little girl call Papa. Who will be their to tell me that I am doing a great job. Who will make me YOUR caramel apple pie that only you can make. Who daddy who.