Dying and Fighting.

Daddy- two words that don't seem to go together but are in my head today. I feel torn and numb. I feel like I know you are going to beat this and that you are going to be okay. Then, I feel like I know this is it that you are dying. It is so weird to feel like this. I have not felt like you were dying this whole time and it is like the news today finally broke my spirit. I am trying so hard to say positive. It is hard too. I can't believe after you being stable that we would have to go through all this again. I feel like for some reason I have failed you. That I didn't pray hard enough, that I didn't do enough. That I was so focus  on the kids and not you. I feel like, i don't know what to feel, how I feel. I have never been so confused by my own emotions. I just hate feeling like this is it. I of course have not told you that I feel like this. I told you it is going to be okay that this is just a bump in the road. This journey has been more trying then I ever thought. I never thought I would be going through this. That you would ever get cancer then get leukemia on top of it. This day has been hard on all of us. I love you Daddy.